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https://academia.stackexchange.com/a/98458/958 ? I don't see any outstanding reason for deletion. It's been downvoted, but that doesn't mean it has to disappear from the website.

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This answer is not nice to:

  • the asker, who is implied to be insecure and lack social skills:

    I think you are blaming your STEM professor status instead of your insecurity and lack of social skills.

    Furthermore, there are some pretty trite geek clichés here, that are just silly on their own, but make me question whether the post is serious:

    How about you hang out in book stores and try to chat up the first girl that smiles at you?

    Also, if I were the asker, I would be put off at least a little by being suggested to acquire a partner through trickery. Finally, unless I missed something, the asker did not indicate their gender or sexual preferences – which is fine as they are completely irrelevant to this question.

  • women in general, who are implied to fall for very stupid advances, false compliments and waffling:

    [let them know] that they have beautiful eyes, you think they are really intelligent, bla bla bla)

     

    Just ask them where the sugar is

    Moreover, tricking a woman into a relationship is considered acceptable behaviour:

    one will fall for it after a few tries

Not to mention that the only part of this that addresses the question is the general gist of “try to get a relationship”. Specific dating advice is beyond this question and I strongly doubt that the asker was looking for this (it’s like elaborating the “look into your examination guidelines” part of an answer into a reading 101).

Now, of course all that is inappropriate or beyond the scope of the question could just be edited out of this answer, but that would only leave something along the lines of: “Try to get a relationship.” While that would still make for an answer on its own, it has already been said (in a better way) in other answers.

The only thing that I find odd about its deletion is that the answer was just deleted and not hammered with a rude/abusive flag instead.

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    Normally, I try and write answers explaining my moderator actions, but in this case, it would just be this answer. – StrongBad Nov 6 '17 at 14:35
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    1. What exactly is rude or "not nice" to the asker? It's just saying "you may have social anxiety", matter-of-factly, without adding insults. I think you are conflating "I don't like what it says" and "it's rude". 2. Yes, that's blunt against women (though it never tries to generalize -- it just says "there are women that will fall for you in superficial ways"). But does that deserve the censorship? I think we are getting overboard. There is no need to jump on the 'it's offensive' train here. Downvote it if you don't like it, but don't delete it. – Federico Poloni Nov 7 '17 at 7:51
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    3. It does answer the question: the answer to "how does a professor deal with a lonely lifestyle" is "dude, stop being a loner, go outside and meet girls". It's an answer we may disagree with, but I don't see what is the reason it deserves to disappear. – Federico Poloni Nov 7 '17 at 7:53
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    @FedericoPoloni maybe you fail to see it as not nice because of your insecurity and lack of social skills. Does using the quote from the answer in this way make you see the ad hominem attack? Just to clarify, I do not think you are insecure or lack social skills and I understand that sometimes people disagree with things that are rude. – StrongBad Nov 7 '17 at 18:56
  • @FedericoPoloni: 1. It's just saying "you may have social anxiety", matter-of-factly, without adding insults. – I see no may here. 2. It does answer the question: the answer to "how does a professor deal with a lonely lifestyle" is "dude, stop being a loner, go outside and meet girls". – Yes, but that’s about it. Specific dating advice is totally misplaced in this question and arguably on this site in general. — For everything else, see my edit. – Wrzlprmft Nov 7 '17 at 19:10
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    (1) Clichés are a reason for downvoting, not for closing. And so is "answers the question, but then goes into too much detail on a tangential point". (2) If compliments and attempts at conversation are now an unacceptable way to "trick a person into a relationship", our jails might be overflowing soon. (3) @Strongbad: that does not offend me at all. In a question specifically about difficulties in socialization, lack of social skills should not be a taboo topic. The answer does not say "ha ha you are a loser"; it just goes to the point. – Federico Poloni Nov 7 '17 at 19:53
  • Also, apart from the "bro" style, what is the difference between writing I think you are blaming your STEM professor status instead of your insecurity and lack of social skills and My suspicion is that this is not so much about "professors lead lonely lives" as it is about "I am lonely," or "I fear leading a lonely life." But this need not be so. You can learn to be more outgoing (currently in this answer)? Should we close that one, too? – Federico Poloni Nov 7 '17 at 20:04
  • @FedericoPoloni I disagree. I think the community disagrees, but please post an answer why you think the answer should be un-deleted (basically a summary of your comments) and we can get a better idea through the voting. – StrongBad Nov 7 '17 at 20:16
  • @FedericoPoloni: 1. Clichés are a reason for downvoting, not for closing. – That’s not the argument I was making. 2. If compliments and attempts at conversation are now an unacceptable way […] – Nobody said that. The problem with the post is not the broad direction it’s taking, it’s the tone and the details. 2. "trick a person into a relationship" – The post in question explicitly took this stance, not I. – Wrzlprmft Nov 7 '17 at 20:18
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    3. In a question specifically about difficulties in socialization, lack of social skills should not be a taboo topic. – This is not about raising the topic, or even suspecting lack of social skills, this is about asserting them. You can tell somebody asking a question about differentiating on Math that they may need to refresh their calculus skills. You cannot tell them that they are bad at calculus. 4. apart from the "bro" style, what is the difference between – Actually, what you call bro style is a huge part of the problem. Also nothing of what I listed applies to that answer, AFAICT. – Wrzlprmft Nov 7 '17 at 20:25
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I think the answer should not have been deleted by a moderator. It is OK for me if it is downvoted into oblivion, but I do not see a reason to take explicit action to delete it.

Summarizing my comments to this answer, let me counter the arguments in favor of closing it.

  1. The "you lack social skills" part seems acceptable to me. In a question specifically about difficulties in socialization, suggesting lack of social skills should not be a taboo topic. The answer does not say "ha ha you are a loser"; it just goes to the point. In fact, apart from the "bro" style, I see little difference between saying I think you are blaming your STEM professor status instead of your insecurity and lack of social skills and My suspicion is that this is not so much about "professors lead lonely lives" as it is about "I am lonely," or "I fear leading a lonely life." But this need not be so. You can learn to be more outgoing (currently in another answer). Should we close that one, too?

  2. The attitude about women suggested in the answer seems acceptable to me. Not that I support it, but I see no reason to censor it. If compliments and attempts at conversation are now an unacceptable way to "trick a person into a relationship", our jails might be overflowing soon.

  3. The answer does answer the question. The (blunt) answer to "how does a professor deal with a lonely lifestyle" is "dude, stop being a loner, go outside and meet girls".

  4. It's assuming OP's gender (uhm, no, it's not actually?) and sexual preference. No big deal --- people often do that. The proper way to deal with it is leaving a comment, not using special moderator powers and nuking the answer from orbit.

  5. You don't like the style of this answer, I get it. A part of it probably is there just for the shock value. There are lots of other strongly formulated answers and comments on this site, though --- JeffE is famous for his cutting style, for instance, and it seems very well received. I see nothing so offensive in this answer that deserves immediate deletion, instead of going through the usual path of getting downvotes. There are no direct attacks to the OP. There is a shade of misogyny (is there? I see no attempt to generalize "all women are gullible") that we may find despicable, but the proper answer if you disagree is downvoting, not preventing the answerer to express his opinion.

(And, just in case you are thinking it: there is no relation between me and the answerer. His name sounds Italian, I am Italian, but I have no idea who he is. And I am using male pronouns here because that's a masculine name.)

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  • As I said, I disagree, but if the community wants it back, I am happy to undelete it. – StrongBad Nov 7 '17 at 21:06
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    @StrongBad By the way: please don't see this thread as an attack to your person --- I respect you and thank you for your work as a moderator. The fact that I disagree with you on a single episode does not detract from it. – Federico Poloni Nov 7 '17 at 21:12
  • I already replied to most of this in the comments under my answer, so just two things: 1) A part of it probably is there just for the shock value. – That’s quite a thing to say in defence of an answer, but we can take it from that angle as well: Shock value is not nice and thus nothing that answers on our site should have, at the very least it should be removed with an edit – which applies to many of the other points as well, but then what would be left? (See also my last edit to my answer.) – Wrzlprmft Nov 8 '17 at 6:25
  • 2) Going at this again, because it is probably the most important point: "trick a person into a relationship" – I am not exactly sure why you are using quotes here, but this is something that the author of the answer in question said: “one will fall for it”. If you ask me, this states that the described strategies are intended deceit – which, by the way, is also the tone in which this was written (“bla bla bla”). – Wrzlprmft Nov 8 '17 at 6:30
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    As Italians should we point out the meaning of the fake surname? :-) – Massimo Ortolano Nov 8 '17 at 6:49
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    @MassimoOrtolano I noticed it too, but I could not be certain it is fake. I have heard real names with similar features. There are other hits on Google for this one, so at the very least is a fixed "internet identity", not a name designed for trolling. – Federico Poloni Nov 8 '17 at 7:44
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    Personally I find that "a part of it said for the shock value" is already a strong indication that the answer should be deleted. This is not what Stack Exchange should be about. Sure, if it was a small part, it could be edited out, but very few would be left of the answer if we removed everything from it that appears to be mostly trolling / provoking. Personally I am happy that this thing is gone, and see no reason to get technical about whether it should have rather been voted into oblivion instead of being deleted. – xLeitix Nov 10 '17 at 12:28
  • Just as someone wandering by, I've certainly never thought of JeffE as "edgy." – Azor Ahai Nov 17 '17 at 1:19
  • @Azor-Ahai It might just be me choosing the wrong adjective here --- English is not my native language. I'll try a replacement. – Federico Poloni Nov 17 '17 at 7:05
  • @Wrzlprmft I'm not a native speaker, but can't you read "fall for it" the way you do in "fall for someone"? – sgf Jan 8 '18 at 0:36

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